The Monster that ate NYC

Yesterday I attended a Job Fair hosted by Monster.com in NYC. After attending the fair, not only do I no longer want to find a job, but I no longer have the will to live. To understand this fully, let me start at the beginning.

Yesterday I woke thinking I wouldn’t attend this fair. I had done no prep for this event at all. And since I blew my last job interview (it was the previous week, and I blew it so bad not only didn’t the company contact me, but the recruiting agency that was supposed to represent me hasn’t gotten in touch with me at all), I didn’t think I could go through it again. But, what the hell, fortune favors the foolish (or is it the brave?). I jumped up out of bed ready to take the bull by the horns and own this job fair.

First I filled out an online print order for my resume and some quick business cards for the local Kinko’s, and with a bit of cajoling, was able to get them to do the order by 10:00am. Then I ran to the cleaners to pick up my interview outfit (khakis and nice shirt). Since I don’t have a permanent residence yet, I’m still living out of one suitcase. Went home, got cleaned up, picked up my order at Kinko’s and off I went.

The fair was supposed to start at 11:00 at the Radisson at 32nd and Broadway, and I arrived at the 34th street station at 10:50. As I neared the hotel I noticed a peculiar sight, a line of people in business suits stretching around the corner. I thought “This can’t possibly be for the job fair”, but it was. As I walked to the end of the line, I was stunned by the turnout. Not just the sheer number of people, but their dress. It appeared as if half of Wall Street turned out for this. This was firsthand verification of the unemployment that has hit the financial sector in NYC. As I finally made it to the back of the line all I could think was “no good, no good”.

Since I had nothing else going on in my life right now, I decided to stick it out. The line slowly moved, and I mean slowly. By the time I made it around the last corner and the entrance was in sight over 1.5 hours had passed. I then noticed something that made me a bit worried. The people that were coming out of the fair were a bit pissed off. OK, they were REALLY pissed off. Oh-Boy! This doesn’t look good. One poor woman was so mad she started yelling at the hotel valets.

Foolishly I decided to stick it out. Mainly because I just spent 90 minutes in a frickin line and I’ll be dammed if I was going to quit now. At this point I wouldn't have left line even if Scatman Crothers came staggering out of the hotel with an axe buried in his chest.

Also, somebody must have called 212-GOD-LUVU, because a loving Christian showed up and started handing out little conversion bookies to the cattle (I mean people) in line. I only mention this because:

· The next blog will be an entire video reading of the material presented to me by the fellow.
· He almost came to blows with a young Jewish business type who wouldn’t take his little Christ booklet.

Finally, the powers that be blessed me, and I entered the pearly gates into the Monster.com job fair.

What do you do to sweaty, tired business types that have been standing in line for a long time… Make them walk up 3 flights of stairs to the convention room (it was explained to me that elevators were to be used by patrons of the hotel only). Once at the convention room, I along with my compatriots (after spending time in line it was the closest any of us had had to doing a tour of duty), had to sign in. I’m guessing so that Monster.com can post our names and say, these are the fools that stood in line for this fair.

I immediately went for the water cooler and tanked up. I felt like the poor camels that had to haul Lawrence and his Arab compatriots across the Nefud desert (get off my hump and give me a drink already). I then walked into the job fair and almost voided all the fluids I just consumed.

The job fair consisted of the following: 8 companies… 8… 3 insurance, 2 human resource, one frozen food co, one shoe company, and a cosmetics company. OMG… I stood in line for this. And to top it off, there were more lines for each of the booths. No way was I going to do another line. After swallowing my bile, I exited quickly, and in a move of defiance, took the elevator to the lobby.

As I was leaving, a group of concerned business types, still in line, asked me “Hey, what’s it like in there”. I thought for a second, then answered “The water tastes good”.