Lychee Gut

Last night I spent a low key Saturday night watching a movie in Soho. The movie was called “Mongol”, and it was about the early years of Genghis Khan. I really liked this move; if you want to view the trailer here is the link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsAdwoFDYW4).

It did a pretty good job of showing the early years of Temujin, and there was good acting and great scenery all around. It was good to see this movie; it taught me a lot about the man and removed any preconceptions I might have had. Before this movie, I thought Genghis Khan liked Twinkies and totally destroyed the San Dimas Mall (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2a3nbTrO_c&NR=1).

After the movie was over (around 11:45pm), as I was getting up, I noticed that my legs were really weak. I attributed this to the time of evening and that I needed to get back to my place and crash. As I was walking to the subway I started feeling a little sweaty and nauseous. Now I believe that everybody on this planet has a special. Sometimes they never find it, sometimes it’s obvious. Well, I am no exception. My special talent is that if I can instantly tell what food I have eaten earlier in the day is making me sick. With a growing sense of dread I realized that I had a case of food poisoning courtesy of Lychee Nut (a Chinese restaurant near my place) and a gourmet dish called Tangerine Bean Curd.

It really wasn’t that appetizing when I ate it, way too much MSG, sodium, and sugar. After finishing it I felt like my arteries shrank to the size of fiber optics. It could have just been a bad batch or maybe all Tangerine Bean Curds are the same. It kind of reminds me of the Shawshank Redemption line:

“Bad luck, it floats around. Has to land on somebody… It was my turn, that's all. I was in the path of the tornado.”

Replace bad luck with Bad Tangerine Bean Curd and there you go.

Well, the bean curd was working its special magic on me now. By the time I arrived at the subway stop, it was really starting to work its magic on me. Waiting 30 minutes for my train to arrive didn’t help matters either. As I finally boarded the subway I was in serious doubt as to whether or not I’d make it to my stop without incident. I was doing pretty well until the subway left the Wall Street station on its way to Clark Street (my stop), and then things came to a head.

I was sitting near the end of one car (next to an exit), fidgeting and mentally praying to the gods of the universe, when I let the largest belch I have ever done in my life. It was on par to the belch the old man gave in Revenge of the Nerds II (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcNEVKBzlVo&NR=1). By the time I finished my head was between my legs. After about 5 seconds or so I sat up and noticed something strange, everyone that was sitting within 10 feet of me had moved to the other end of the car. This was a pretty packed car, and now I had cleared out about 1\2 of the car. My embarrassment was only overshadowed by my nausea and pain.

Thankfully, I made it to my stop without further incidents and was able to stagger home for some much needed rest…