Lychee Gut

Last night I spent a low key Saturday night watching a movie in Soho. The movie was called “Mongol”, and it was about the early years of Genghis Khan. I really liked this move; if you want to view the trailer here is the link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsAdwoFDYW4).

It did a pretty good job of showing the early years of Temujin, and there was good acting and great scenery all around. It was good to see this movie; it taught me a lot about the man and removed any preconceptions I might have had. Before this movie, I thought Genghis Khan liked Twinkies and totally destroyed the San Dimas Mall (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2a3nbTrO_c&NR=1).

After the movie was over (around 11:45pm), as I was getting up, I noticed that my legs were really weak. I attributed this to the time of evening and that I needed to get back to my place and crash. As I was walking to the subway I started feeling a little sweaty and nauseous. Now I believe that everybody on this planet has a special. Sometimes they never find it, sometimes it’s obvious. Well, I am no exception. My special talent is that if I can instantly tell what food I have eaten earlier in the day is making me sick. With a growing sense of dread I realized that I had a case of food poisoning courtesy of Lychee Nut (a Chinese restaurant near my place) and a gourmet dish called Tangerine Bean Curd.

It really wasn’t that appetizing when I ate it, way too much MSG, sodium, and sugar. After finishing it I felt like my arteries shrank to the size of fiber optics. It could have just been a bad batch or maybe all Tangerine Bean Curds are the same. It kind of reminds me of the Shawshank Redemption line:

“Bad luck, it floats around. Has to land on somebody… It was my turn, that's all. I was in the path of the tornado.”

Replace bad luck with Bad Tangerine Bean Curd and there you go.

Well, the bean curd was working its special magic on me now. By the time I arrived at the subway stop, it was really starting to work its magic on me. Waiting 30 minutes for my train to arrive didn’t help matters either. As I finally boarded the subway I was in serious doubt as to whether or not I’d make it to my stop without incident. I was doing pretty well until the subway left the Wall Street station on its way to Clark Street (my stop), and then things came to a head.

I was sitting near the end of one car (next to an exit), fidgeting and mentally praying to the gods of the universe, when I let the largest belch I have ever done in my life. It was on par to the belch the old man gave in Revenge of the Nerds II (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcNEVKBzlVo&NR=1). By the time I finished my head was between my legs. After about 5 seconds or so I sat up and noticed something strange, everyone that was sitting within 10 feet of me had moved to the other end of the car. This was a pretty packed car, and now I had cleared out about 1\2 of the car. My embarrassment was only overshadowed by my nausea and pain.

Thankfully, I made it to my stop without further incidents and was able to stagger home for some much needed rest…

The Monster that ate NYC

Yesterday I attended a Job Fair hosted by Monster.com in NYC. After attending the fair, not only do I no longer want to find a job, but I no longer have the will to live. To understand this fully, let me start at the beginning.

Yesterday I woke thinking I wouldn’t attend this fair. I had done no prep for this event at all. And since I blew my last job interview (it was the previous week, and I blew it so bad not only didn’t the company contact me, but the recruiting agency that was supposed to represent me hasn’t gotten in touch with me at all), I didn’t think I could go through it again. But, what the hell, fortune favors the foolish (or is it the brave?). I jumped up out of bed ready to take the bull by the horns and own this job fair.

First I filled out an online print order for my resume and some quick business cards for the local Kinko’s, and with a bit of cajoling, was able to get them to do the order by 10:00am. Then I ran to the cleaners to pick up my interview outfit (khakis and nice shirt). Since I don’t have a permanent residence yet, I’m still living out of one suitcase. Went home, got cleaned up, picked up my order at Kinko’s and off I went.

The fair was supposed to start at 11:00 at the Radisson at 32nd and Broadway, and I arrived at the 34th street station at 10:50. As I neared the hotel I noticed a peculiar sight, a line of people in business suits stretching around the corner. I thought “This can’t possibly be for the job fair”, but it was. As I walked to the end of the line, I was stunned by the turnout. Not just the sheer number of people, but their dress. It appeared as if half of Wall Street turned out for this. This was firsthand verification of the unemployment that has hit the financial sector in NYC. As I finally made it to the back of the line all I could think was “no good, no good”.

Since I had nothing else going on in my life right now, I decided to stick it out. The line slowly moved, and I mean slowly. By the time I made it around the last corner and the entrance was in sight over 1.5 hours had passed. I then noticed something that made me a bit worried. The people that were coming out of the fair were a bit pissed off. OK, they were REALLY pissed off. Oh-Boy! This doesn’t look good. One poor woman was so mad she started yelling at the hotel valets.

Foolishly I decided to stick it out. Mainly because I just spent 90 minutes in a frickin line and I’ll be dammed if I was going to quit now. At this point I wouldn't have left line even if Scatman Crothers came staggering out of the hotel with an axe buried in his chest.

Also, somebody must have called 212-GOD-LUVU, because a loving Christian showed up and started handing out little conversion bookies to the cattle (I mean people) in line. I only mention this because:

· The next blog will be an entire video reading of the material presented to me by the fellow.
· He almost came to blows with a young Jewish business type who wouldn’t take his little Christ booklet.

Finally, the powers that be blessed me, and I entered the pearly gates into the Monster.com job fair.

What do you do to sweaty, tired business types that have been standing in line for a long time… Make them walk up 3 flights of stairs to the convention room (it was explained to me that elevators were to be used by patrons of the hotel only). Once at the convention room, I along with my compatriots (after spending time in line it was the closest any of us had had to doing a tour of duty), had to sign in. I’m guessing so that Monster.com can post our names and say, these are the fools that stood in line for this fair.

I immediately went for the water cooler and tanked up. I felt like the poor camels that had to haul Lawrence and his Arab compatriots across the Nefud desert (get off my hump and give me a drink already). I then walked into the job fair and almost voided all the fluids I just consumed.

The job fair consisted of the following: 8 companies… 8… 3 insurance, 2 human resource, one frozen food co, one shoe company, and a cosmetics company. OMG… I stood in line for this. And to top it off, there were more lines for each of the booths. No way was I going to do another line. After swallowing my bile, I exited quickly, and in a move of defiance, took the elevator to the lobby.

As I was leaving, a group of concerned business types, still in line, asked me “Hey, what’s it like in there”. I thought for a second, then answered “The water tastes good”.

Enter the Dragon

Sometimes one is witness to an unbelievable and transcendental event, and I witnessed such an event last Saturday. Last Saturday I went to something called “Celebrate Brooklyn”. Basically it’s a summer long series of events held at Prospect Park (great park in Brooklyn). On this particular Saturday they were doing an outdoor viewing of Enter the Dragon. For those who do not know this movie, I have nothing but sympathy for you.

I have seen outdoor viewings of movies before, and I probably have seen an outdoor viewing of Enter the Dragon before, but not like this. On this particular showing, Celebrate Brooklyn arranged to have Karsh Kale (http://www.karshkale.com/ producer/composer/re-mixer extraordinaire) to redo the soundtrack for this movie live. That’s right, LIVE! But I’m jumping ahead of myself.

First, the audience was entertained with a performance by Soh Daiko (http://www.sohdaiko.org/ ), a Japanese drumming group. The following are videos I took on this evening. Don’t worry about the video (it sucked), but concentrate on the audio part of the movie.

This was just a sample of Soh Daiko, the entire show was pretty amazing. And it also tuned up the audience for what was to come.

As soon as it got dark enough, Enter the Dragon started. Now I know Hollywood, when it wants to upgrade a classic, either colorizes it (if it was in black or white), or re-makes it entirely. They have totally overlooked remixing the score of the picture. Kale’s interpretation and re-adaptation of the score to Enter the Dragon was nothing short of phenomenal. During the entire course of the movie I was struck dumb at how amazing the score was. It completely remade the movie. Instead of the crappy 70’s rehash score I was treated to an asian/fusion/techno score that left me breathless.

Here are some videos from that night. Once again, it’s the audio you should pay attention to.

Independence Day

It's that time of year again, 4th of July! And this year I'll be celebrating it in the big apple.

It all started out when I went over to my friend Layne's house. From there, me and Layne (and his awesome wife Tiffany) went over to a friend of theirs bar-b-que. Now this isn't like west coast bar-b-que. You nkow, big house, big back yard, kids running around, tons of people and space. This is brooklyn bar-b-que. Meaning lots of hungry people, little or no space, and (if you're lucky) a sliver of a backyard.

That was this party. Small apartment, small backyard (7 x 17) and lots o people. The only thing more prevalent than guests was mosquitoes. I really can't complain, except for the fact that since I didn't know anyone except Layne and Tiff, and the next lowest age was 28, the only interactions I had at the party was with the mosquitoes. And I'm not talking about the cool band that was shipwrecked on gilligans island (http://video.aol.com/video-detail/the-mosquitoes-live-in-concert/857531716), i'm talking about the flying bloodsuckers that make all gatherings horrible.

It wasn't really all that bad there were some good highlights:

1. Good greasy burgers.

2. The 50+ latin party going on in the yard sliver next to ours. Got caught up on all the latest latin dance music and quite possibly profanity.

3. Some yokels a block away set off some firecrackers (the ones that go off really fast, so it sounds like super fast staccato bangs), only these guys must have dumped them in a oil drum or something, because it was nonstop banging for at least 5 minutes (I am not kidding here).

Eventually I ended up in the kitchen, which was fairly empty. I ended up having a chat with Tiff (layne's wife) and her friend Shoshanna (girlfriend o Michael, see below). We talked for awhile, and then Layne and Shoshanna really wanted to see the fireworks. I mentioned that I lived in Brooklyn Heights, which is a prime location for viewing the show, and off we all went.

Upon getting to my place, Michael suggested that we go on the roof. Quite a novel idea for a west coaster, but I was game. We went up to my apartment, and lo and behold, there was a ladder leading up in the hallway outside my room.

What followed was an amazing fireworks display, seen from the roof of my apartment. Here are some photos from that night.

(clockwise from top: Layne, Tiffany, Michael, Shoshanna)

This was followed by bad mexican food and lots o walking....

Where Eagles Dare

Well, I finally arrived. After a grueling red-eye fight from LA, I landed at JFK early on one fine Monday morning. I was able to stay at my buddy Quinn's flat on the upper west side for a couple of days, but I needed to find something else fast. Well, luck was with me and I was able to sublet an amazing studio in Brooklyn Heights for the month of July. Here is a picture of my building.


The white door below sidewalk level is my entrance, then its up 5 flights of stairs to the top floor. Sometimes I have to really want to go out, because those 5 flights are just waiting for me on my return. In any case, this will definitely aid me in the Goerlitz\Howell weigh off. For those of you who know me, this needs no explanation, but for those who don't it's my own form of self-abuse.

Brooklyn Heights is a pretty great place. Great shops, great location, and great people add up to a bustin good time. Very close to my place is the promenade. The promenade is a three quarter mile walkway that borders part of Brooklyn. What this means is that there is a pretty sick view of Manhattan from this location. Here are just a few shots from the promenade in case I have any non-believers out there.

Wow! Great place to while away these hot summer days. Unfortunately, this was not meant to last. I still need to find a place before the month is up or I'll be homeless. AAahh... Homeless... How great... All you need worry about is hunger, the weather, death, and the occasional beating. No job hunting, keeping up with friends, or updating wardrobes. Speaking of occasional beatings, I ran across this shop on one of my wanderings.

Holy crap! Somebody read my mind, or looked into my deepest dreams. Cupcakes, large Hostess style cupcakes (only better). A sheet of large Hostess style cupcakes. And they brought all their friends as well. All that's missing is a queen sized buttered crepe bed in the back and all my dreams have been answered...

Where Eagles Dare

Well, I finally made it to NYC. After arriving at JFK on a red-eye flight from LA, I took a cab to my buddy Quinn's flat on the upper west side. I could only really stay there for a day or two max, so I had to find a place really fast.

Well luck was with me. I was able to arrange a month long sublet on a studio space in Brooklyn Heights. For those of you who do not know of Brooklyn Heights, it's a pretty amazing place. Great views, great shops, great people. Here is a shot of my building.

The white door below the sidewalk is my entrance, then I have to go up 5 flights of stairs (joy) to top of building. If nothing else, that should help me with the Goerlitz weigh off. For those who know me this needs no explanation, but for those who don't it's my own form of self-debasement.

Also, Brooklyn heights is the location of The Promenade. The Promenade is an amazing three quarter mile path that borders part of Brooklyn. What this means is that there are some pretty sick views of Manhattan from this location, and if you don't believe me, I am including a couple of shots which should prove my point.

Pretty amazing if I must say so. Unfortunately, this isn't meant to last. I need to find additional housing by the end of the month or I will be a homeless bum. AAhhh... Homeless.... How awesome.... No worries except death, hunger, and the occasional beating. Speaking of occasional beatings, I was walking in my area and noticed the following establishment....

Has somebody read my mind.... Large cupcakes (like Hostess used to make but oh so better), a sheet of large cupcakes, and they brought their friends....

LA Confidential

Well, my great adventure begins. But before I can kick the west coast dust off my feet a need to take a final trip to LA and spend 3 days in the valley. I was given what I consider a 21 gun salute before I left (a "Barney Gumble Greeting" by my good friend Bob), and then I was off.

The flight from Eugene to LA was uneventful. Flew down on a Embraer RJ135 ( a nice little Lear) courtesy of Delta. Thankfully I wasn't flying to SanFran, since all fights from Eugene were postponed at least 4 hours due to the insane northern California wildfires.

Touched down on time and was met by one of my closest friends Audrey (goggs) and her valiant steed "ladyboy".

The first day was pretty standard. Walked around Laguna Beach, stared at all the "beautiful people", and partook of local cuisine at oceanview establishments. The food... well, no comment. But they did keep our water glasses filled and the napkins were ironed.

The next day Goggs wanted to show me "The Wild Animal Park" northeast of San Diego, so off we went. Now I hate the whole Zoo mentality. I've been to too many parks where the animals are caged in tiny cells and their lives consisting of sleeping behind shaped rocks and trying to ignore the gawking crowds. However, Goggs said this would be a different experience altogether, so off we went.

After spending a hot afternoon at the park (it was in the low 90's - it was a dry heat), I came away pleased with the entire affair. The park was designed to try and keep the animals in a habitat as similar to being in the wild as possible. There were fences and moats, but no cages that I could see. There was even a huge savannah that allowed many different types of animals mix freely (not with the carnivores, damn). I would have like too see a cheetah let loose in there, that would makes things a bit more "sporty". Here are a few of the choicer shots I took while at the park.

Next it was off to Rancho Del Rio. I forget the name of the city, but it was close to the Animal park and extremely affluent. Hooked up with a good friend of ours Kim, and went out to dinner. We ended up in a little town on the coast called Encinitas (very nice). Kim suggested a little Italian place near the beach she heard about and off we went.




When we arrived I didn't expect much based on the outside. It looked like a rectangular shack with a little outdoor patio. HA. I was amazed. Although the indoor seating was basic italian stuff, the outside patio was quite nice. And the food... Damn good. I got a lamb dish that was perfect. To the left is a shot of Kim and Goggs, and below is the remains of a "Streets of Laredo" chocolate souffle.
The next day Goggs and I paid a surprise visit on my friend Christine. Christine was a friend of mine from back in the day. From topics ranging from "molded plastic" to "auto mechanics, the do's and don'ts", we've had some pretty good times. Since I hadn't seen (or talked) to Christine in at least 2-3 years, she was surprised to say the least.

After getting over the shock of my visit (when I drop in unannounced it's always a shock), we left for lunch. We went to Huntington Beach State Park and ate at a great little tiki bar\restaurant on the beach. We had to wait around 2 hours for a table, but that was allright. It gave us ample opportunity to sample some of their alcoholic concoctions at the outdoor tiki bar.

After getting my "swerve" on at the tiki bar and loading up on good beach food, it was back to Christine's place for some good ole fashioned seafood slurry. Lots of seafood, lots of wine, lots o trouble.

Around 9ish, I loaded up in Christine's car and it was off to LAX, for a red-eye flight to NYC.

to be continued...